Negotiating Forgiveness in Nonvoluntary Family Relationships

This study examined the ways in which individuals communicatively negotiate the process of forgiveness in nonvoluntary (family) relationships. Drawing from relational dialectics theory (RDT) as well as other dialogic perspectives on forgiveness (e.g., Waldron & Kelley, 2008), we examined the complexity of communicating forgiveness in nonvoluntary relationships. Participants’ experiences supported the idea that forgiveness is an ongoing process of communicative negotiations between and among family members. Consistent with previous research, participants also noted that they generally did not explicitly verbalize forgiveness of a family member. Ultimately, the degree to which participants judged their forgiveness as successful often depended on whether the hurtful situation or forgiveness itself was centered in the family relationship. Furthering our understanding of communicating forgiveness in nonvoluntary relationships expands our perspective on the complex nature of families. T relationships we maintain with family and friends affect the quality of our lives and perhaps as a result, are often wrought with conflicting emotions (Baxter, 2004; Baxter & Braithwaite, 2010). Although close relationships can be rewarding and beneficial, they also have the potential to include relational transgressions (Afifi & Metts, 1998; Kelley & Waldron, 2005; Metts, 1994) and hurtful messages (Vangelisti & Crumley, 1998). These types of hurtful events occur in a variety of relational contexts, including both voluntary and nonvoluntary relationships. Voluntary relationships are those in which individuals freely engage with each other without contractual or biological obligations (Cupach & Metts, 1986; Nussbaum, 1994), and include friendships and dating relationships. In contrast, nonvoluntary relationships exist without a conscious choice to enter them and/ or when individuals believe they have no viable option but to maintain them (Hess, 2000), and include family and to a lesser extent, marital relationships. Both voluntary and nonvoluntary relationships can be satisfying and challenging; the primary difference between the two pertains to individuals’ perception of the personal and social obligations for their maintenance (Hess, 2000). Thus, although individuals in both voluntary and nonvoluntary relationships experience events that require forgiveness, differing expectations and obligations regarding the future of the relationship potentially alter how forgiveness is enacted.